HAPPY FUCKING HALLOWEEN

HOLY SHIT i love halloween, seriously it has to be the best effing holiday to the known world. I remember back in the day when halloween was full of scary monsters, ghosts, and creepies.... now its the day for all the whores to come out and play (me being one of them of course!) Today i am a naughty school girl and it FUCKING ROCKS!!!! i walked in to my auditorium full of stupid little grade nines/ tens first block this morning and actuallly was whistled and cat called at.... I FUCKING LOVE IT its the biggest boost of self esteem ever. seriously i look so fricken hot. i love my life !!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

DANCE DANCE

I LOVE DANCING.... seriously the dance rocked... pretty sure it was the best dance i've ever been too it made me soo happy. i was SUCH a whore... fucking love myself... unfortunately i dance too much rendering me ill before the party so i was unable to attend with michelle, i promise ill make it up to you !!!!

oh yah...

and the kss dance fucking rocked, i had such a good time despite not knowing anyone, there were lots of people there and the music was okay, the lights were awesome, i seriously think it was because i was there czu most of the people who went were like yea that dance was probably the best we've had in a long time... ehee hee
i had a blast and acted like a whore
AND I WAS SOBER
amazing

Emmelz is back :D

K SO PRETTY SURE I FUCKING LOVE LIFE!!!!!

K so I was right about this being the best week ever. Yesterday was a PD day so me brittelz mandy and michelle all went to see a movie. THE GRUDGE TWO!!!!! fuck it rocked my life. WAY better then the first one, everything you wanted to know in the first movie was explained in the second it was SOO awesome. Anyways before we even got to the movie theatre we were on the city bus and we were pissing off these little 14 year olds that looked like they were 9 and we were singing rent songs in the back of the bus ( we had my michelle brittelz mandy nicola sara tawnia ) all sitting there it was WAY to much fun. anyways we were being loud obnoxious drama fags the whole day and it made me so fricken happy. (L)(L)(L)(L)(L) I have been in such a good mood, last night fucking rocked worked a bit hung out at the beach i love my life, i seriously hope next week rocks as much as I want it too.
Keep ya updated :"

HECK YES

K so pretty sure I am having THE BEST WEEK EVER.... which will hopefully befollowed by THE SECOND BEST WEEK EVER. I've just been in a great mood for no fucking reason and i love it. Tomorrow I am going to the KSS dance which rummor has it SUCK but I've never been to one so obviously its because of the lack of Emmelz. So Wonderful. Then next week I have the BSS dance which will rock because it is an awesome school and we always have KICK ASS dances, really I like them so much because i get to WHORE IT THE FUCK UP!!! and since im not usually like that it gives me a chance to get a way lol
THEN the day after i get to go to my first ever college party with my MISHA!!!! which is also going to rock hardcore:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D i love my life

... yay no more emo


... at least for a while

I'm such a whiner.

Sorry, I'll be better soon.

Smile like you mean it....

Okay, So 'smile like you mean it' is what I called my picture that is currently my display picture for this site. I don't know why, but it just seemed to fit.
Lately it seems I've forgotten how to smile. I'll be at work right, and everything will be going fine and then all of a sudden I just want to sit down and cry, same thing goes with school. I don't know what happens to make me have these random bursts of unhappiness. Occasionally, I'll be happy. The other day I was with Britt (I think) and I rememeber laughing harder then I've laughed in a long time and it was wonderful, but then a few minutes later it was like nothing.
I was talking to Chris the other day right, and I said to him, "I need Emmelz back." He was confused but I knew exactly what I meant. For some reason happy bubble Emmelz has taken a back seat inmy life and again, I'm not so sure why. I really wish I could understand how it all works, but obviously I cannot.
Although to give me some credit, I don't think a heck of a lot of people know exactly how i feel. I have a way of being able to smile through it all and hold it all back. But I know its all a lie, I see it themost when I look into the mirror. My eyes don't seem to be filled with the same spark that once filled them.

Wow... Don't I seem emo?

Yea, Whatever.

Sometimes I wish I could talk. I wish I could just come out and say exactly what I'm thinking, exactly how I feel. But for some reason, something always get's in the way. Something between my brain and my tongue so the words just won't come out.
My head could be screaming exactly what I want, no no, what I need to say... I get so close, but then, nothing. I freeze.
I'm really really sick of it.


Sometimes I also wish I could have a happy blog about absolutely nothing.

I could've taken it...

... I wish he had the balls to tell me how he felt. Trust me, I could've taken it. I happen to be a very strong and independant person. I always have been. I don't deal well with rejection, but who the fuck does? But when I do get rejected I can easily pick up the peices and move on. Usually I'll have seen it coming, see I may be strong, but I tend to let my emotions get the best of me, I follow my heart, not my mind.

Yea and you know what? I got screwed over this time, but I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I'll look back in the future and say, wow I really messed up there, that was incredibly stupid. But I'll move on because, I don't let things like this bring me down. I'm Emmelz for fucks sakes!

Yea... I thought you all (aka michelle who is the only one who reads this) Needed to know that.

Sometimes...

Sometimes you just want to cry, you just want to sit down and say "That's right, I give up! I don't care any more." But of course you never do. You have to keep trucking a long as if nothing is ever wrong in your life because you have the image to maintain. Sometimes you get sick of that image, you want to break through and say "NO this is the real me, i have emotions, and they're not always happy."But no you can't possibly feel like that. Not a chance. Everyone is always great. Just fine. Thanks for asking.

Guess what? I feel like CRAP and I don't give a shit if you don't like it.

Life,

Life, how fun is this. I've been having a really intense few weeks. I don't know why but, every single day I feel like crying. But I'm strong Emmelz, no matter how much my eyes burn I can't seem to get a tear out. Has anyone else ever had this happen to them? Cuz I think I'm crazy lol. I had a rough first month of school, it's weird cuz I have one class. Math, I fucking hate math, those who know me know that. But it isn't the work load it's the changes. I miss all of my grade twelve friends, Michelle and Court are the ones I miss the most. But my sister started at KSS this year because she was kicked out of ballenas, and unfortunately we both have very busy scheduals between work and my play practices it's almost impossible for me to see her, which is fucked up. I mean we live together. So that is a major person who I feel like I'm missing from my life. Last friday was probably the happiest I've been in a month. Mandy skipped the day of school (got in hella shit but whatever) and Michelle came down for the day, and for some reason it just felt right, like nothing had changed. I was back to being loud crazy Emmelz. I mean we sang Queen in the middle of the hallway, when was the last time I've done that. Long time let me tell you. Another thing, one that surpized me greatly is how much I miss Lua. I've known Lua since grade six and although we were never extremely close she is a presnce that is no longer around, and it's just weird.

I hate being this moody, this quite. Everyone's noticed, everyone askes whats wrong. I reply with the normal nothing, even though something is wrong. but the real problem is what are you supposed to say to some when they ask what's wrong when you don't even know yourself?

Pretty deep blog for a first (pretty much)
anyways I'll try and keep this updated. What else do I have to do with my time?

Okay

This is officially my blog spot, I may or may not actually update this ever, cuz to be perfectly honest I usually forget and I have a really boring life so I don't really have anything to post up here, I only have it to keep my michelle happy. ANYWAYS I used to have a different blogspot but I've deleted it from my life because i didn't like it. So here we go.