No Day But Today....

I can't control, my destiny, I trust my soul, my only goal, is just to be........
With out you the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats... life goes on, but I'm gone, cuz I'd die without you!!!!

Listening to RENT on Kimmerz mp4 player... yah weird, but I'm deffinetly in a RENT mood.
I've decided that I need to take a look at my life and figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with it. I joke and say I'm going to be a bum, but you know what, I deserve more then that. Recently I've really let myself change, and not really for the better, I'm letting certain people walk all over me. People don't know this about me but I hate confrontation. Yah I'll bitch and moan, but it's really hard for me to tell people when I'm unhappy, when something is truely wrong in my life. I've made some mistakes and I don't want people to think that I have no back bone.
I have all these good intentions like, yah next time this happens, next time I have the time I'm going to say whats on my mind. Then the time comes and I'm just like, everything is fine. Everything is always fine... always. Even when it's not, and thats something I have to change for me.
When you're sad be sad.
When you're mad be mad.
When you're stressed, feel stressed.
Seriously I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm sure everything will be okay, but right now, it's not and I'm going to change that.

hey

I know i told you I'd write you a big long post but unfortunately you are going to have to wait till another date, aka probably monday when i can just sit in bjs office alone and type too many people could read what i have to say.... like mandy, sitting beside me at the moment. ill write it onmonday love you

Death, destruction, devestation.

hahah just kidding.
Lifes been going pretty great, I wish I had all sorts of things to write but I don't. My life just isn't all that interesting. I'm either in the perfect mood. or I'm emo and bitchy. There's no happy medium anymore.
I'm at the point where I just want to sit by myself at the beach or something in the snow, wind and rain and just sit there till I stop. Does that make sense? Probably not, but that's the way I feel.
On the plus side I've been able to cry. I freaked out yesterday at Brittany for no reason so I ran away and just cried. It was fabulous. AT school! I was in shock, I haven't been able to do that since grade ten.
Anyways. I'm not really sure what I'm going on about. Recently I just haven't been able to be happy. I'll get random bursts of happiness. but then the littlest things sets me off and I get into this dark mood where I just want to be alone and sit on the computer and whine in my blog. I don't know things just arent working for me right now, and yah maybe it's pms. maybe its stress levels. but I'm fucking sick of it. I really just want to cry.